MY FINAL TESTAMENT (“A Parsi’s Will”)

(Author Unknown)

September 23, 2020

I am a Parsi (“bawa”) – and I love the eccentricities & quirks, we, as a community, display…and I love poking fun at ourselves (as do most of us bawas)!  Those Parsis who disagree, my humble apologies in advance.

I received this by email and it was too funny not to post.  Read on for a ‘deep-belly’ laugh and if you know us Parsis, you too will tend to agree with our idiosyncrasies, accept them and take them in stride 😊.

(I don’t claim credit for this masterpiece- and I give full marks to the unknown author!  “Mumbai” based and minimal gujrati language knowledge may be required 😊)

QUOTE

This is hilarious stuff, especially for people who have exposure to it’s Parsi culture.

Whoever wrote it, thanks bawa….

I, Tehmuras Tehmpton Tarkariwalla (alias T3), being of sound mind [one and only time] and solid body [Dara singh no baap], do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass 9th grade biology if their lives depended on it; or doctors, who can barely treat my pet Bruno, but are interested in simply running up his bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

(Sali par Eedu: https://images.app.goo.gl/HdNKvGfEe5tcJ9Q69)

Char Double fried eeda with crisp [jalela] brown toast

Murabbo

Bhida par eedu

Dar-ni-poori

Marghi na farcha

Ek dajan taajah boomla

Akoori on toast

Dhanshak anne Kachumbar [tarela kabab sathe]

Kolmi no Patio

Chai with leely Chai & Fudino

Sali-ma-gosh with fresh chokah ni rotli

Duke ni raspberry

Lagan nu custard

Kulfi from Parsee Dairy Farm

Hafooz Mangoes

Belgian Chocolate

Scotch with soda

Patra ni machi

Kayani ni pastry

Victory na wafers

Paris Bakery ni butter khari biscuit…

…Then it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better.

(Morris Minor 1952: https://images.app.goo.gl/bAVv8z3H28WtqosD7)

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person [“BOY” – the kalia who has been my faithful Man-Friday from Billimora] and Soli, my solicitor, to ensure that the attending physicians pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

I have lived a good life and am looking forward to meet my Maker… Boy should go to the Cama’s at Mumbai Samachar and ask them to print my departure. And don’t forget to inform all the Ghelchodiyas & Gadheras who I used to drink with at the Parsi Gymkhana, otherwise they will curse me all the way back to Behram Baug.

A dinner must be organised at Dotiwalla Baug for my carrom gang with Godiwalla’s catering and whisky from Parson & Co. [the 1st licensed liquor shop in Bombay, license No.1] and call apro Gary Lawyer [who is not a lawyer but a besooro singer] and ask him to sing “Besame Mucho” for me at the dinner. Most of the carrom gang are deaf and don’t have an ear for music anyway.

(Paatra ni Maachi: https://images.app.goo.gl/g8EdzfX4KKem9TEU9)

Boy should continue to look after my Bruno from the money I leave behind in Central Bank nu khatu.

My Morris Tiger [1949] should be given to Soli, my solicitor and my horse “Knightsbridge” should be sold to a ghorawalla from Matheran and not to a ghoragariwalla in Mumbai or a ghorawalla in Mahabaleshwar as I don’t want the poor animal to gallop on daamar [asphalt] na rasta.

The furniture and fixtures should be given to Pundole’s to auction and the sale proceeds to be donated to the Bai Sakarbai PetitAnimal Hospital.

The Rani no photo should be sent to apro Prince Charles, who is now the husband of Kamaal ni Camilia.

sd/-

T3. [i.e. Tehmuras Tehmpton Tarkariwalla]

(In the presence of salo dukkar doctor Soli Saklatwalla and fatakadi nurse)

UNQUOTE

(Boomla (fish): https://images.app.goo.gl/LESFgxXMjM1hWftY6)

We Are Who We Are Because Of Our Forefathers- 9

Sept 16, 2020

(9 of 12)

REPLY ADDRESS BY MR. DINSHAW B AVARI ON THE OCCASION TO COMMEMORATE HIS 85th BIRTHDAY on NOV 5, 1987-

God has been kind to me.

I made money from Beach Luxury Hotel and eventually bought a Hotel in Lahore (Nedous Hotel) on Public auction which I converted from Nedous Hotel to Park Luxury – and I was about to convert it to build the Lahore Hilton.

(Model of Nedous Hotel – presented to my grandfather by his staff – in our office)

By this time, my son Byram & I had discussed whether we were content in running the Beach Luxury or wanted to grow (and naturally we chose the latter).  

This then propelled me to say that success does not come without pains or losses… 

The Beach Luxury in the 50s and early 60s (when we spoke), made its money through cash sales which were not recorded because of the high taxation- and actually became our capital.  We agreed that firstly we have to bring all our businesses on the books because without a strong balance sheet we would not be able to leverage our business.  This meant having to pay taxes and have less disposable cash. 

(Beach Luxury in the 1960s
Picture credit- unknown photographer, with thanks)

The second decision we made with this move was to get professionals to join our Company so as to make it grow.  This business dilemma proved a success and is part of the learning discipline we instilled in my grandchildren.

However, the Lahore Hotel got requisitioned (once again for our family )because I had been asked to give a portion of the Hotel, free of charge, to an high official, which I had refused because I believe somebody can  have a free meal or take a pencil from me, but when I have to give away something which is earned with the sweat and hardships of my brow, then I will fight to the end.

Friends, let me tell you life is very difficult.  I have never cheated anybody and God has rewarded me for this.  I have worked hard and honestly with integrity and have never forgotten Ahura Mazda for all his blessings.

I persevered and got the Lahore Plot de-requisitioned and built the Lahore Hilton.

This is to explain to you that persistence and honesty of thought and purpose will always succeed.”

(to be cont)

(previous (8th) post- https://dinshawavari.com/2020/08/18/we-are-who-we-are-because-of-our-forefathers-8/)

Karachi … BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD!

September 8, 2020

In my recent blog (https://dinshawavari.com/2020/08/29/water-water-everywhere-but-not-a-drop-to-drink-the-rime-of-the-ancient-mariner-by-samuel-taylor-coleridge/), I was only concentrating on recycling rainwater for Karachi.  However, the inadequacy of the Karachi’s infrastructure to deal with … RAIN … has created havoc to our City.

Recently I heard Arif Hasan, planner, architect & activist (http://arifhasan.org/about-arif-hasan), on a Samaa News interview (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCb6OIWWsoo).  The interview is an eyeopener and very insightful as Mr Hasan traces the roots of the problem, the history of our formal drainage systems, Karachi’s unchecked sprawl from the 1950s and especially 1970s leading to the drainage & sewer breakdown, we face currently.  In identifying these problems, Mr Hasan implicitly provides the solutions too.

There are two courses of action required –

  • I have already addressed rain water harvesting & recycling;
  • Alongside this, the city’s RAIN WATER and SEWAGE DRAINAGE systems have to be urgently addressed on a professional basis.

Basically, Karachi needs to “get back to the drawing board” by using independent, non-partisan town planners and architects (like Arif Hasan himself).  We have ONE YEAR lead time to fix the city- or at least be able to complete some of the main areas of the City – before the next rains hit us.

There are thousands of little drains – nullahs – (some naturally formed) which should feed into 64 large Nullahs which lead into Malir & Landhi Rivers, which in turn flow into the sea. 

PROBLEM:          When even one of these nullahs are blocked or stopped, it prohibits rainwater to flow into the sea- and instead, it floods the City.  This is the root problem.

SOLUTION:         So, firstly, the Entrance & Exit points of all Nullahs should remain undisturbed from encroachments, unplanned structures and debris.

PROBLEM:          Next, when roads are being built, their drainage is also part of the scope.  However, Arif Hasan points out that when the drains are made, they don’t lead anywhere – they end where the road ends … GO FIGURE!  So, when the [so-called] drains fill up with rain – from the road itself – the overflow goes back onto the roads again … and … the “ROADS GET CONVERTED INTO NULLAHS”!

SOLUTION:         So, the second action is that road drains must connect to the established nullahs, so there’s a formal route for the water to naturally flow into the sea (more on formal drains below).

PROBLEM:          In the 1950s, Katchi Abadis (informal housing settlements) sprang up unchecked.  There was no planning for their sewage drains, so the katchi abadis drained their sewage into Karachi’s nullahs…a practice which continues to this day.  In the 1970s, when the formal housing schemes and neighborhoods were created, they continued the same practice of draining their sewage into rain water drains because no sewage drains or trunk sewers were planned … again, a practice that continues to this very day! 

SOLUTION(s):    So, thirdly, TRUNK SEWERS leading into FORMAL SEWER DRAINAGE SYSTEMS (& NOT into the rainwater drains) has to be planned & executed.

When this is done, all current formal Storm water drains must be cleaned off all the sewage sludge; all sewage outlets leading into such rain water drains removed and capped; and new storm water drains built to accommodate the City’s sprawl (it is massive task and a daunting one, at that).  Storm water drains must ONLY be used for rain water drainage.

Each of these systems has to be physically separate and independent from each other – no one system should be able to lead into another system in case of a breakdown; each of these systems has to have its own failsafe mechanisms in place; have their own access points for repairs, replacements & maintenance in place; and have their dedicated teams ready to fix and clean them.

PROBLEM:          The World Bank funded & completed a successful Sewage treatment plant in the 1990s.  However, it never started operations.  Why … because there were no trunk sewer systems designed or created to capture rainwater which would have flowed into the treatment plants; likewise, nothing was designed to capture the sewage (which instead was dumped into the rain water drains) to drain into such treatments plants either.

SOLUTION(s):    Fourth- once these new Trunk Sewers and formal Sewage system captures all types of drains (be it rainwater or sewage), they should ONLY flow into Sewage treatment plants (plants…PLURAL); and then they should flow into new nullahs connecting to Malir & Lyari rivers.

Malir & Lyari rivers themselves need to be dredged and maintained to accept this drainage.

A recycling solution also lies in utilizing waste from treatment plants (after being treated) for watering the City’s green belts instead of letting it flow into the sea.

PROBLEM:          Samaa interestingly also points out (https://www.samaa.tv/news/2020/08/karachi-rain-water-weather-flooding-monsoon-update-storage-shortage-drought/) that Karachi’s “concrete jungle” doesn’t have the capacity to absorb any of the rainwater so as to shore up valuable ground water.  “The advantage would have been that the water table would have been replenished”.

SOLUTION(s):    So, we need to create large swaths of “green areas”;

We have to breakdown this concrete jungle and rebuild public areas with gardens and trees;

Town planning has to be formalized, professionalized and held accountable;

Katchi abadis may very well have to be relocated (like the successful Lyari/Orangi resettlement project) into new, formal neighborhoods- this can be successfully & mutually negotiated by giving these resettlers title to their new properties, instead of the usurious “pagri” and rental system most of these katchi abadi dwellers have to content with currently;

Lastly, roads and current infrastructure will also have be replanned, replaced or even relocated to accommodate these new services.

So, what is the STARTING POINT of all these actions?

               A long term City & infrastructure Plan has to be created, agreed by all political stakeholders and implemented & monitored professionally.  This Plan will continuously need amendments and updating, which cannot be done without a non-partisan, political approach to addressing Karachi’s problems professionally by the Chief Minister, Government AND Opposition parties working together, instead of the politics of destruction – the destruction to the City of Karachi!

We Are Who We Are Because Of Our Forefathers- 8

August 18, 2020

(8 of 12)

REPLY ADDRESS BY MR. DINSHAW B AVARI ON THE OCCASION TO COMMEMORATE HIS 85th BIRTHDAY on NOV 5, 1987-

Beach Luxury Hotel started construction, Partition took place, and the Sind Government once again requisitioned my Hotel. They said that as a Minority Member I will run away and they needed the building for Government Offices. This was somewhere around December 1947, and I gave them a written assurance that I will open the Hotel by our Zoroastrian New Year, 21st of March 1948. One week before the Opening, I had no furniture, cutlery, crockery or glassware.

Always, in my times of problems, God has come to my rescue. I believe in intuition and like the time when I left Quetta the night before the fatal earthquake – because of my intuition – I was once again intuitively led to read every inch of the newspaper that day.

I saw this advertisement of the British United Services Club, which was called the Bus Club. The auction was that day for the sale of the entire crockery, cutlery, glass-ware, linen and furniture. I went and gave my Tender which read as Rs. 1000/- more than the highest offer. The Committee called me and said the highest offer was Rs.8,000/- but they could not accept the type of Tender I had given on the basis of which I would pay Rs.9,000; but if I paid Rs.10,000, I would get everything. So I accepted and opened the Hotel a week later, on 21st March 1948, with the blessings and prayers of Dr. Dastur Dhalla, who was present at that time.”

(to be cont)

(previous (7th) post- https://dinshawavari.com/2020/07/31/we-are-who-we-are-because-of-our-forefathers-7/)

We Are Who We Are Because Of Our Forefathers- 7

July 31, 2020

(7 of 12)

REPLY ADDRESS BY MR. DINSHAW B AVARI ON THE OCCASION TO COMMEMORATE HIS 85th BIRTHDAY on NOV 5, 1987-

As Mr Wyseman used to only show a profit of Rs.18,000/- per year, I showed Rs 19,000/- by cooking the accounts and got them passed *. Next year I again made a net profit of well over Rs 1 Lac because this was the only hotel not out of bounds for American Soldiers.

(*more on this later)

In order to reduce the Souvenirs being taken away, all my Crockery and Ashtrays, which were imported, had the words ‘Stolen from Bristol  Hotel’ on them. This made all the soldiers buy these items by paying fat sums to me and I put a board so that other Souvenirs would not be taken from the Dining Room. This big board read ‘KNIVES AND FORKS ARE NOT LIKE MEDICINE TO BE TAKEN AFTER MEALS’.

Deciding to build my own hotel, I went to Mr Bushby, Chairman of the Port Trust for a plot of land on the seashore. He asked me how much whiskey I could sell. I told him I could give him a case of Whiskey and sent him Black Label. He gave me this whole plot where we are today.

At the Governor’s House, my wife Khorshed heard my friends speaking to each other that ‘Avari is a damn fool – building a hotel where even the dogs will not stay’. She was most upset and did not eat or drink anything at the party and came home and cried to me that all your dear friends say you are making a mistake and why won’t you stop throwing all your life savings away.

This property, which I have got on 100 years lease, will be useful to my son Byram and to my Grandsons and we will never give it away.

(to be cont)

(previous (6th) post- https://dinshawavari.com/2020/06/18/we-are-who-we-are-because-of-our-forefathers-6/)

The Bad Eggs!

July 30, 2020

(photo credit- ar.pinterest.com)

COVID-19 struck and we did not lay off our staff or executives.  We did this openly, with our hearts in it, and fully mindful of the economic impact to our family & group.

Our reasoning … where will these people go, how will they live, eat, buy medicines – especially our Associates – as there’s no social network or institutionalized setup to support them.  It was (and is) our responsibility to look after them and their family.

We didn’t do this expecting anything in return – because that’s not what “helping” is about.

Trust & a helping hand is given implicitly – one should not do charity expecting anything in return. 

Little did we know, there always are the bad eggs … the back stabbers … those few people who would take advantage of this good will ☹ … and “stab the hand that feeds him”! 

After several months of this closed period, we decided to call back team members in batches from their homes & villages so as to continue – if nothing else – training programs so that people remain more productive.

What excuses did we get when we started …

  • Some pretend to be ill and don’t submitting any medical proof so as to skip training;
  • For some, they or their “dependant” were ill – for the last 2 months! – and so could not attend the job;
  • Some responded that they are out of the respective city or in another province and due to Covid they can’t get transport … (hmmm, last I remember, Inter-province and Inter-city transport started before last Eid);
  • This last one is classic – “schedule our duty for a continuous 2-3 weeks and then let us go back to our village”!  So, not only do we pay them their salary but, it now seems, they will even schedule their own work hours while on our payroll.  I’d like a job like that 😊!

My point is, why do we give our trust to others, our hearts to others, our energy and resources for others, only for these “others” to stab us in the back?

It’s sad actually …

it does shake the trust we put in humanity and in our team members

(photo credit- english-the-easy-way.com)

Parsi films that never made it to the big screen



So, lets start our weekend with a chuckle, and who better to poke fun at than ourselves …

(alert- you have to know us Parsis or the Gujrati language to appreciate this)

QUOTE

The classic Shakespearean remakes:

*Rumi and Juliet.

*Much Sali Par Eedu About Nothing.

*Taming of the Kekashrew.

Other classics:

*Moby Dikra

*Cama Sutra

Classic World War 2 films:

*The Battle of the Bulsaras.

*Guns of Navroji. 

*The Bridges of Sarkari. 

*Where Edelji Dares

The perennial all time favourites:

*Pearl Harbourwalla. 

*Kersiblanca. 

*The Good, the KekoBad and the Dagli.

*Bend it like Baman.

And last but not least:

*One Flew over Cusrow Baug

Unquote

(Author unknown but many thanks to him/her for the laugh)

Black Money Love- more than just a movie review!

June 26, 2020

One of the effects of the COVID lockdown was an increase of movies my family was watching, primarily being Black Money Love, a Turkish soap opera.

Besides the ‘eye-popping’ beauties (which I won’t go into in this paper 😊), the serial is actually very interesting to watch.

(photo credit- youtube.com)

Its directing and acting is on par with any Hollywood soap; alongwith scenes, production sets and story line; and the actors … 💓💓💓💓 va va voom!

Naturally, like many soaps, there were moments of being “over the top” 😊 and crying ☹ (the latter, not my cup o’ tea) … and my!  LOTS OF SMOOCHING 💓!

However, besides being an action drama it shows the culture and character of modern Turkey –

  • It is a conservatively run country
  • A moderate society
  • A MODERN society!
  • Western & Eastern cultures exist together
  • Conservative & Liberal outlooks live alongside each other
  • High standards of living
  • Educated & talented youth

Turkey is a Muslim state, with a conservative government, but a progressive & modern outlook.

No country is ideal but similar cultures can adapt best practices and standards from each other. 

It is not an overnight change- it is a generational one

…but it can happen.

(The villain’s acting is SUPER! 😊 – he absolutely outdid himself!)

(Photo credit- https://anne-raevasquez.com/?s=black+money+love , http://www.Whatsnewonnetflix.com, http://www.shutterstock.com)

We Are Who We Are Because Of Our Forefathers- 6

June 18, 2020

(6 of 12)

REPLY ADDRESS BY MR. DINSHAW B AVARI ON THE OCCASION TO COMMEMORATE HIS 85th BIRTHDAY on NOV 5, 1987-

Sir Sidney Ridley confirmed to me that he would protect me and would ensure that the Hotel, if purchased by me, would not be requisitioned during the Second World War for the Army, Navy and Air Force, as was the custom.

So, putting up my entire life’s savings and borrowing the rest, I went to Mr.  Wyseman and purchased the Bristol Hotel for Rs.100,000/-.  Mr Wyseman agreed on one condition- that Khorshed and I learn the hotel business with him for a few months.  So, every morning at 4 a.m. I went to the Empress Market to purchase all the groceries, and the mutton, beef, chicken, fish, vegetables and fruits.

As soon as six months training were over and Mr. Wyseman handed over the Hotel to me and left Karachi – and the Bristol Hotel got requisitioned!

When I went to Sir Sidney Ridley and informed him about this, he phoned the British Provost Marshal of the Army to enquire why this was done. The Provost Marshal said “How can a bloody Indian run an English Hotel?”

Sir Sidney Ridley insisted the Hotel be de-requisitioned and the Provost Marshal accepted only on my written agreement to reduce the charges to Rs. 5/- per room and Rs.7/- for room with all meals. Sir Sidney Ridley said I would go bankrupt, but I agreed. Inspite of all my social status, I was still a “bloody Indian” but I was willing to take the challenge.

Now, the charge for a Chota (small) Peg for a Whiskey was Rs. l/. I immediately doubled it and got the Sargeant at Mauripur Airport to send me as many soldiers as he liked and I would pay him Rs.1/- per soldier, as his commission.

Then, I put 6 soldiers in a room and within one year, with both husband and wife working till 2 a.m. in the morning, we made a net profit of Rs. One Lac in the very first year- I paid up the money I had paid to buy the hotel.

(to be cont…)

(previous (5th) post- https://dinshawavari.com/2020/05/26/we-are-who-we-are-because-of-our-forefathers-5/)

Is COVID, Thanos’ Snap?

(…and Yet Further Tirades of a Layman [COVID] – 4)

June 12, 2020

(Do you follow Marvel Cinematic Universe?)

(Photo credit- https://images.app.goo.gl/ceGmi8qAB9ZarsTbA)

With one snap of his fingers, Thanos eliminates an arbitrary 50% of the world’s population; according to him it was to correct Nature’s imbalance … he was “trying to save the universe from itself”. 

Yeah, right!!!!

Compared to any other living being on Earth & the seas, humans’ capacity to harm & kill each other, and exploit & destroy the world’s resources, is unlimited.

Is the Coronavirus pandemic nature’s way of correcting our exploitation of the World?

               Is the Coronavirus pandemic a lesson to humans about the value of Life?

               Is the Coronavirus pandemic here to give mankind a taste of its own Medicine?

Whatever the reasons, we need to sit up, learn and rectify our ways.

Unfortunately, I don’t believe this is going to happen in this lifetime!  As I said, our capacity to harm others gets in the way of all the good that we, as a human “community”, can potentially do for each other.

In spite of this global pandemic, which continues to rise, these last four months have shown that we continue with strife, war and conflict; instead of banding together as one community regardless of nationality, creed, caste, religion, colour, gender to solve this threat.

In spite of this global pandemic, most countries continue to approach this threat with internal strife, no unified policy and no cohesiveness.

In spite of this global pandemic, politics and “big” business still comes in the way of human life and morals.

Few countries, like New Zealand, seem to have overcome these obstacles & been successful …

For others, is “Thanos’ Snap” imminent?

(Photo credit- https://images.app.goo.gl/92txtDavR37rkGtW6)